Top-10 things to say to your girlfriend/wife when tells you she’s pregnant:
10. What do you mean by pregnant?
9. Do I know you?
8. What’s the cheapest plane ticket out of town?
7. Sweet, I’ve always wanted to be a deadbeat dad.
6. What do you mean the condom broke? I only used it twice.
5. I know of a great clinic.
4. Great! I’ve always wanted to punch you in the stomach.
3. Piss off.
2. Let’s donate it to Stem-cell research.
1. Got a coat hanger?
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